Just to Laugh

A Indian Negotiating with God

2010-03-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD "Let all my friends are healthy and happy forever!"

God said: But for 4 days only!

I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.

GOD said: 3 days...

I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

GOD said: No, 2 days!

I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Nighttime).

GOD said: No, just 1 day!

I said: Yes!

GOD asked: Which day?

I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!

GOD laughed, and said: You INDIANS know how to negotiate, but since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I cannot refuse.

I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.

An Indian in a U.S. school...

2010-03-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

It was the first day of a school in US and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:

"Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

"Very good!"

Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.

The te acher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

"General Custer, 1862."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007."

English language

2010-03-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications; )

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
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Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
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Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
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A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
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Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
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Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."
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Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
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Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
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Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
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A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Salary Increase

2010-03-22T21:12:00.001-07:00

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS

FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat a nd $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

---- Your Boss

Pre- KG Last Bench Guys--

2010-03-22T21:10:00.001-07:00

Pre - KG Last Bench Guys - Younger generation ippidi thaan irukkum................

Guy 1: Machan Naan romba upset ah irukan da

Guy 2: Yaen da veetla edhuna problema???

Guy 1: Illa da nethu slate vaanga spencer poirundhan, anga oru sema figure,
sumar ondra vayasu irkum avanga amma madila paduthu vaila virala vachutu
enna paathu oru look vituche paaru...

iyyoooooooo........

Guy 2: appram enna aachu???

Guy 1: Appram enna.... enga appan adha paathutu poramaila en thalaila
narukunu oru kottu vachan, kovathula rendu naala na cerelac' kuda
sapduradhu illa.....

Guy 2: Indha appangalae ippadithanda poramaila alaivanga... nee dont worry
machan nalaiku andha ponna thottil' oda thukrom!!! .

After Semester Exams..!! - Remember the golden days

2009-04-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

1st Bench:
Hey the paper was tough... But I will get 95 da.. :)
2nd Bench:
Machi... 10 Marks out da.. :(
3rd Bench:
Mama.. Clear aayrum... :)
4th Bench:
Clear aanalum aagum :(
5th Bench:
Sure shot.. Sathyama out.. :)
Last Bench Rockers:
!
!

!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
Machaan.. Invigilator sema figure daa... :) :) :)

Job Market in 2009

2008-11-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

Arranged or Love marriage...??????????????????????????????????

2008-11-02T22:44:00.000-08:00

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,¡± You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love Marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems... Gimme a break!!¡±

Lucky Arab

2008-10-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

When fuel prices go High

2008-10-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

Osama is still alive

2008-10-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice . Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked Indian Intelligence (CBI) for help. Within a minute, CBI emailed the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

2008-10-15T10:50:00.001-07:00

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

Good Sleep

2008-09-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

As usual brilliant sardar

2008-09-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

1 . Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

2 . How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so ?
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot

4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend . He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!

6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour dikhao.

7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion?
Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying....
When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse .
He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."

12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

13. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab . Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

Management Thinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Manufacturer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Field service is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Material Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, or not there work is over.
Q A is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby

Women are dangerous intelligent

2008-09-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent !

என்ன கொடுமை சரவணன் இது

2008-09-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Vadivelu Comedy

2008-09-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

Dubai
Dubai Kurukku santhu,
Vivekananda Street,
No 6

Vadivelu Friends comedy

2008-09-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

Vadivelu Winner

2008-09-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

Mannan rajini kavundamani

2008-09-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

Just Jokes

2008-09-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are ஹாப்பி

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE.

4.. Love your friends not their sisters.. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.Moral : BE ச்பெசிபிக்

6. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

7.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE..

8. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

9. Why Government does NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

Award winning joke

2008-08-18T07:56:00.001-07:00

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher
raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,

"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, h e asked, "what happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We
are in BIG trouble this time.

........................

...............................

..............................

.........................

..................

..............

.....

..

..

..

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Man Lie.....

2008-06-29T09:14:00.001-07:00

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

Talking in Cell phone while Driving

2008-06-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

First love is never Forgettable....! Must READ!!!

2008-06-06T23:48:00.001-07:00

Read this and feel Ur love........!

Nice one.....read when you get time... :)....

I am Ashwin, a software engineer in a reputed company in Chennai. I am one of the luckiest guys in this world. The reasons being my loving wife, Deepa and my charming 7 years old daughter, Revathi. I live in an apartment in Vadapalani. I have to tell about my Wife. The most innocent, always smiling and caring. Even though she completed her Computer Science Engineering, she engineers only my family now. She respects me more than the God. Atleast once in a week she would go to Vadapalani Murugan Koil but I hardly accompany her even after her request. About my kid, the most naughty and will come up with millions of questions a day. My wife is more interested than me in answering those questions.

The incident happened a couple of weeks ago. One afternoon after a heavy lunch, when I was reviewing a CICS-DB2 project requirements, my phone rang.

Me: Hello, Ashwin here.
Satya: Hello Sir! I am Satya here. I am Deepa's friend. Can I speak to you for 2 minutes?
Me: Yeah. Go ahead.
Satya: I want to meet you today in person to tell you something which is important.
Me: About what?
Satya: Sir, I can tell you in person. Can you come to "Richie Rich" ice cream shop today around 6'o clock?
Me: Ok (with some hesitation)

Who is this guy? I googled my brain for a moment. Yes. I heard this name from my wife. This guy and my wife were in love during their college days. But this guy avoided and absconded in the last year of their engineering. My wife has never hidden anything from me. I know about her right from her childhood till our marriage, all about her friends, her nick names in schools & colleges, incidents happened and everything. The same way she confessed about her love also which she didn't do to her parents. But why does he want me to meet him now?....

Time passed by. "Should I meet him or leave it?". I could not complete my review of the requirements. While I was having a coffee, my phone again rang. It's my wife.

Deepa: Ashwin! My mother has come. Can you pick Revathi from school & come?
Me: Ok pa. I will pick up & come. Anything special from your mother?
Deepa: Nothing. Just like that she is visiting us.

I left the office by 5:00 to pick my child from the school. Every time I go to pick her we would go to "Richie Rich" ice cream shop. Revathi loves it so much. After picking up Revathi, we went to the shop. Revathi told, "Appa! Today I need bigggg icecream". I said OK. I ordered and Revathi was having the icecream when that guy appeared. Thin physic and gloomy face with dry eyes.

Satya: Hello Sir! I am Satya. Thanks for coming.
Me: Hi.
Satya: Hope you know about me. Deepa would have told. She never hides anything from their loved ones.
Me: (No answer. With worried face – Satya continued)
Satya: I know you would be surprised on my call. But this is my last wish!
Me: Last wish?
Satya: Even Deepa does not know why I left her even without telling her. I was diagnosed "Blood Cancer" when I was in the last year of engineering. The doctor fixed my last day that time itself. Unfortunately I had to live till this time (with a smile in his face)
Me: (No reaction)
Satya: I know that if I had said the same thing to Deepa, she would not have agreed to leave me. I know she was hurt but I wanted her to live happily. To avoid her contacting me by any chance, I did not tell anybody where I was leaving. But now I feel my last date has come. I need a favor from you Sir!
Me: Yeah. Tell me.
Satya: I want to see Deepa for the last time. I don't want her to see me. I will see her from a long distance. Could you please bring her to Vadapalani Murugan koil tomorrow evening?

(My mouth can utter only "YES" to his request)

Me: I don't know what to say! I feel very sorry for you. I will bring my wife tomorrow.
Satya: Thanks a lot Sir! I will remember this till I live! (laughing) Sorry! For a week or so!

He left the place. With a big sigh, I turned to my child and she was finishing her ice cream. Revathi asked, "who is that appa?". "He is your….hmm… my friend!". We returned home. As usual the day ended. Next day when I started to office, "Deeps! Today shall we go to Murugan koil?". Surprised but to tease me she told, "My mother told yesterday that now-a-days software engineers are under a great stress! Please do not think about something always. You can stay rest today!". I could not react to that. I just smiled and told, "Ok Deeps. We will leave by 6'o clock in the evening. I will pick Revathi & come".

I was waiting to start from the office. I reached home after picking up Revathi. It was 5:45.

Me: Deeps! Are you ready?
Deepa: haan!

After freshening, we started to temple. After reaching the temple, I could find him completely different in saint's dress. Nobody can recognize him. As usual I followed my wife in the temple and was listening all her old stories. She said she was very happy that I was coming with her to the temple. After sometime I could find Satya. I thought he left the place. With a great relief, I had dinner outside with my wife & kid and went home.

With a great amount of Satisfaction, I went to sleep. In the late night, I heard somebody sobbing in the balcony.

For the first time, I saw my wife crying alone, with tears in my eyes.

First love is never forgotten.

Life is too short. Act today. Do all that makes you happy. Now.

http://sharpurdotnet.blogspot.com/

If you cant wake him up

2008-06-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

Help me save the turtles

2008-04-11T21:26:00.001-07:00

Hi Just4rFun,

I've just written to Ratan Tata asking him to not to go ahead with building a port in Dhamra, Orissa, dangerously close to one of the world's largest sea turtle nesting grounds for the Olive Ridley Sea Turtle. I think its a good idea for Mr. Tata to move the port to another location rather than endanger the turtles.

By living up to the Tatas' environmental legacy, Ratan won't just save the highly-endangered Olive Ridley Turtles, he will also end up making Tata a better company.

The only problem is that I can't bring about that change alone. I need help from lots of people, especially you.

Please do what I've done. Write directly to Ratan by clicking here

Thanks a million,
as_prabahar@yahoo.com

A letter from a sardarni mother 2 her son

2008-02-22T20:06:00.001-08:00

A letter from a sardarni mother to her son.

My dear Jagjit,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love -
Mom. P.S.:
Jagjit,
I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
__._,_.___

Understand the problem better before taking a harsh action

2008-02-21T23:15:00.001-08:00

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..

"See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"

This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son." This guy seems to be a krack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.

Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy " see dad, how beautiful the rain is .."

Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
Anup," cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum..and don't disturb public henceforth"

The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied " we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.

Life is too short. Act today. Do all that makes you happy. Now.

http://sharpurdotnet.blogspot.com/

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Real Fake Experiance ....

2007-10-08T02:01:00.001-07:00

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Vella Reddy an Indian (Chennai) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay.

What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and findshimself with one other

candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says 'nalla erukiya macha'

The other candidate answers 'nalla erukanda mama'

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

Blog : http://sharpurdotnet.blogspot.com/

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Jokes.....

2007-10-08T01:35:00.001-07:00

Joke 1:

A minister gave a talk to the Lion's Club on sex.
When he got home he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she (minister's wife) ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

Joke 2:

What'd be the surname if the son born to a single father?

Ans: Eknathji.

What'd be the surname if the son born to three fathers?

Ans: Trivedi.

what if born to a suspense one?

Ans: Guptaji.

Joke 3:

While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said ...
"I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Joke 4:

Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games of chess to pass the time.
They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends
dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -

"Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!"

Joke 5

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says,
"About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."

The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

Blog : http://sharpurdotnet.blogspot.com/

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Sardars again...too good..... :)

2007-08-08T05:45:00.001-07:00

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
***********************************************

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************************

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************************

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
***********************************************

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
****************************** *****************

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
***********************************************

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************************

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************************

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......
***********************************************

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************************************

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************************

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

Blog : http://sharpurdotnet.blogspot.com/

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A Chiken Farmer and a Wowen

2007-07-18T01:06:00.000-07:00

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!""

What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating.""

This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman."

What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?""

My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!""

What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs.""

That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?""

I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

Warm and Moist

2007-07-11T08:30:00.001-07:00

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

Copied From jokes.comedycentral.com/joke_of_day.aspx?adjustDate=12&id=4661

American tourist in Mexico

2007-07-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?"

Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

2007-07-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, “There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed and I don't want you to look in it until I die.”

Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, “Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you.”

Hillary said, “Well, that's not bad after all these years and you being a politician and traveling and all.”

She was about to leave, but then she said, “Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?”

Bill replied, “That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in.”

Greatness of Sardarjis........

2007-06-30T21:30:00.001-07:00

Greatness of Sardarjiâ€™s (Not a joke!!!!!)

"Hello friends!! Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.
In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi .
They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man.
But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.
At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),

''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi ."

Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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Your invitation from Prabahar Samiyappan is about to expire

2007-06-08T17:38:00.001-07:00

Hello,

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Nice story ....do read it....

2007-05-15T10:41:00.001-07:00

A great note for all to read, it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you." Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. "Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

On Decision Making

2007-05-15T10:40:00.001-07:00

Very good indeed to read and follow!!!

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make................

..
...
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scroll down

scroll down further

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, I thought the same way initially because to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

"Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right."

Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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jaxtr me!

2007-05-09T01:45:00.001-07:00

I am using jaxtr, and if you also sign up, we can talk for free on the phone at any time.

-Prabahar

P.S. Here is the link to sign up:
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Seminar joke :)

2007-04-16T04:26:00.001-07:00

Seminar joke

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.

Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

*********

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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School Principal

2007-04-14T02:27:00.001-07:00

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school

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Attitude Should be Positive

2007-04-13T23:56:00.001-07:00

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your attitude
should be positive

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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American in Mexico

2007-04-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses। This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog। The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"

2007-04-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

Don't miss the last one which is the ultimate !!!

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings।

Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements।

When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling

What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.

What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls

What is the height of optimism ?
Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

Phone Call for Sehwag:
Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)
Wife :"Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife."
Indian Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"

2007-04-06T22:37:00.002-07:00

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before

a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA" .

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence? ". He replied "1947" and passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the indep

2007-04-06T22:37:00.001-07:00

Disappointed sales manager of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East (Dubai) assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The sales manager explained, "When I got posted in Dubai, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem; I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand..... Totally exhausted and fainting.

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The sales manager replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from

Right to Left..."

Sardaji Jokes

2007-04-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train. Frnd: Y?

Srdr: Got upper berth.

Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?

Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..

--------------------------------------------------------

Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there

--------------------------------------------------------

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

-------------------------------------------------------

Sardar-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

--------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar:    The future tense is "u will go to jail".

--------------------------------------------------------

Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch

regularly. A man asks why he does this.   Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch

manager."

--------------------------------------------------------

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote :    Yes!

--------------------------------------------------------

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

-------------------------------------------------------

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It"s already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

--------------------------------------------------------

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -

What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

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Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!

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Postman:-   I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:-       why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

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Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'...........Sardar

said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.



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A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge asked: How'll U

divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

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Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly in his

sleep not screamin like all d passengers in d car he was driving..



--------------------------------------------------------

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what

you     call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!



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Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

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Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars

have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

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A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the

morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

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Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.

Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.

It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.
Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

2007-04-02T02:01:00.001-07:00

Be careful!!!

2007-03-29T07:22:00.001-07:00

Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.

(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)

Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you

Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE.

NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT....

YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

The fish are biting.
Get more visitors on your site using Yahoo! Search Marketing.

Little Italian girl

2007-03-28T04:37:00.001-07:00

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously
intelligent! (Sometimes)

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

The fish are biting.
Get more visitors on your site using Yahoo! Search Marketing.

2007-03-28T01:51:00.000-07:00

நொந்து நூலாகி அந்து அவலாகிப் போயிருக்கும் இந்திய அணியினர் மக்களிடமிருந்தும் மீடியாவிடமிருந்தும் எப்படியோ எஸ்கேப்பாகி சென்னை வருகின்றனர்। அங்கு ஏற்கனவே அவுட் ஆப் ஃபார்மில் இருக்கும் விஐபிக்கள் சிலரை சந்தித்து ஆலோசனை பெற ரகசிய மீட்டிங் ஏற்பாடு செய்கின்றனர். அல்டிமேட் ஸ்டார் அஜித், இயக்குநர் இடிதாங்கி பேரரசு, புரட்சிப்புயல் வைகோ என நம்மூர் ஆட்கள் கிரிக்கெட் அணியினரை தேற்ற வந்திருக்கின்றனர். 'அசத்தப் போவது யாரு', 'அரட்டை அரங்கம்' ஷுட்டிங்கை கேன்சல் செய்துவிட்டு டி.ஆரும் யாரும் கூப்பிடாமலே வந்திருக்கிறார்.

ஏதோ ஒரு சங்க மீட்டிங் என்று மண்டபத்துள் எட்டிப்பார்க்கும் சின்னக் கலைவாணர் விவேக்கை அலேக்காக பிடித்து உள்ளே இழுத்துவருகிறார்கள் நம் வீரர்கள்।

விவேக்: டேய் இங்க என்னடா நடக்குது? யாருடா நீங்கல்லாம்? உங்களையெல்லாம் எங்கேயோ பார்த்த மாதிரி இருக்கேடா?

டிராவிட்: விவேக் சார், நாங்க கிரிக்கெட்ல தோத்ததை எப்படி சமாளிக்கறதுன்னு ஏற்கனவே அவுட் ஆப் பார்ம்ல இருக்கவங்க கிட்ட அட்வைஸ் கேட்கலாம்னு வந்திருக்கோம்। நீங்களும் உங்க அறிவுரையை சொல்லி எங்களைக் காப்பாத்தனும்

விவேக்(ஹை பிட்சில்): அடப்பாவிகளாஆஆ...அவுட் ஆப் ஃபார்முன்னு டிக்ளேரே பண்ணிட்டீங்களாடா...இனி நான் என்ன சொன்னாலும் கேட்கப்போறதில்ல...சரி உங்க மீட்டிங்கை நீங்க நடத்துங்க।நான் ஒரு கட்டிங் விட்டுட்டு கார்னர்ல உட்கார்ந்து வேடிக்கைப் பார்க்கறேன்

அவர் முடிப்பதற்குள் டி।ஆர் துள்ளிக் குதித்து எழுகிறார்

விவேக்: ஏன் சார் இந்த ஆரஞ்சு கலர் சட்டை எல்லாம் எங்கே புடிக்கறீங்க? ரொம்ப டைட்டாயிருக்கே॥சிம்புவோடதா??

அதை கண்டுகொள்ளாத டி।ஆர் கோபமாக :
"கவர்ன்மெண்ட் ஸ்கூல் பேர் பால்வாடி
பைத்தியம் முத்தினா நம்மூர் ஏர்வாடி
சம்பாத்திச்சீங்களேடா பல கோடி
ஏமாத்திட்டீங்களே மோசமா விளையாடி"

என கண்களில் கண்ணீர் வழிய ஹைபிட்சில அலறுகிறார்।

வழக்கம் போல யாருமே அவரை கண்டுகொள்ளாமல் அவர்களுக்குள் பேசிக்கொண்டிருக்கின்றனர்

டிராவிட்: இதெல்லாம் விளையாட்டுல சகஜம்। ஆனா மக்கள் புரிஞ்சுக்க மாட்டேங்கறாங்க. நீங்கதான் எங்க இமேஜை வளர்க்க ஏதாவது ஐடியா கொடுக்கனும் என மற்றவர்களைக் கேட்கிறார்

அஜித்: நான் பேஸ்மாட்டேன்। ஜெயிச்சுட்டு தான் பேஸ்வேன். என்னை யாரும் அழிக்க முடியாது. நான் தண்ணி ஊத்தி வளர்த்த ஸ்டேடியம் புல் இல்ல॥தானா வளர்ந்த காட்டுப் புல்.

விவேக்: பேஸ் மாட்டேன் பேஸ் மாட்டேன்னு பேஸ் வாய்ஸ்ல பேசி டார்ச்சர்ஸ் பண்றாரே

சாப்பல்: அஜித், இப்ப நான் கூட உங்க ஐடியாதான் ஃபாலோ பண்றேன்। மீடியாகிட்ட பேசமாட்டேன்னு சொல்லிட்டேன்

அஜித்: அதுஉஉ

என டெசிபலை ஏற்றி அலறுகிறார்

அப்போது அங்கே யாரோ விசும்பும் சத்தம் கேட்கிறது। வைகோ கருப்புத்துண்டை முகத்தில் பொத்தியபடி அழுதுகொண்டிருக்கிறார்

விவேக்: பொடால போட்டாங்க அழுதீங்க। கூட்டணியைவிட்டு வெளிய வந்ததுக்கு அழுதீங்க. கட்சியை உடைச்சதுக்கு அழுதீங்க. நடைபயணத்துல கால் வலிச்சுது அழுதீங்க. இப்ப கிரிக்கெட்ல தோத்ததுக்கும் அழனுமா? வைகோ சார், கண்ட்ரோல் யுவர்செல்ஃப்.

வைகோ: ஐயகோ என் உடன்பிறப்பே, உலகக்கோப்பையை நீ வென்றிருந்தால் கலிங்கப்பட்டியில் பிறந்த நான் உங்கள் பேரில் கலிங்கத்துப்பரணி பாடியிருப்பேனே... இப்படி தோற்றுவிட்டீர்களே

இதைக் கண்டு செண்டிமெண்டில் ஃபீலாகும் வீரர்கள் வைகோவை தேற்றுகின்றனர்।

வைகோ: 1970களிலே இங்கிலாந்து கிரவுண்டுகளிலே சிக்ஸர் சிக்ஸராக அடித்தானே என் உடன்பிறப்பு விவ் ரிச்சர்ட்ஸ், அவன் மண்ணிலே போய் நாம் தோற்றதுதான் அவமானமாக இருக்கிறது

என்று கோபமமக ரியாக்ஷனை அப்படியே மாற்றுகிறார்।

விவேக்: அந்நியன் அம்பி ரேஞ்சுக்கு ரியாக்ஷன் காட்டறாரே। இவரை இப்படியே பேசவிட்டா நாம தனியா பொதுக்குழு நடத்தனும் போலிருக்கு. அஜித் நீங்க என்ன ஒரே பஞ்ச் டயலாக்ல நிறுத்திட்டீங்க. வேற ஏதாவது ஐடியா குடுங்க

அஜித்: டிராவிட்ஜி, யாராவது ஓட்டலுக்கு டிஸ்கஷன் கூப்பிட்டா போகாதீங்க। கூப்பிட்டு வச்சு குமுறி அப்புறம் டீம்ல இருந்தே தூக்கிடுவாங்க. 'நான் கடவுளுக்கு' உடம்பை குறைச்சு என் பாடி வெயிட்டை விட தலைமுடி வெயிட் அதிகமா ஏத்திவச்சிருந்தே. கடைசில படத்துல இருந்தே தூக்கிட்டாங்க. இனிமே நீங்க் பிரஸ்மீட் போனா 'நான் கேப்டன்'ன்னு அடிக்கடி சொல்லுங்க. அப்ப தான் டீம்ல நிலைக்க முடியும். நீங்க இருக்கறது பஞ்சுமெத்தை. நான் சுமக்கறது முள்கிரீடம்.

டிராவிட் 'நான் கேப்டன்ன்ன்' என சொல்லிப்பார்க்கிறார்

டி।ஆர்: கிரிக்கெட் டீமுக்கு நீ கேப்டன்
பனிக்காலத்துல காதுக்கு வச்சுக்க காட்டன்
சினிமால எல்லாருக்கும் நான் பாட்டன்
சிம்புவுக்கு மட்டும்தான் சொல்வேன் வெல்டன்

விவேக்: இவர் வேற சம்பந்தா சம்பந்தமில்லாம பேசி கழுத்தறுக்கறாரே। இங்க வில்லங்கம் புடிச்ச ஒரு கேரக்டர் ரொம்ப நேரமா அமைதியா இருக்கே...ஆளைப் பார்த்தா அத்தனை பேரையும் க்ளீன் போல்டாக்க ஏதோ ப்ளானோட இருக்க மாதிரி இருக்கு. பேரரசு சார்॥ ஏதாவது பேசுங்க

பேரரசு: என்னான்னு சொல்வேனுங்கோ, சீமானெல்லாம் சேகுவேரா டி-ஷர்ட்டை கழட்டிட்டு காக்கிச்சட்டை மாட்டி இன்ஸ்பெக்டரா நடிக்க ஆரம்பிச்சுட்டாரு। நான் காக்கிச்சட்டை மாட்டி ஆட்டோ டிரைவரா நடிச்சா ஒத்துக்க மாட்டேங்கறாங்க.

டிராவிட்: உங்க பிரச்சனையை விடுங்க பேரரசு। நீங்க தான் தமிழ்நாட்டுக்கே தலைவலின்னு கேள்விப்பட்டோம். எங்க பிரச்சனைக்கு உங்க கிட்ட ஏதாவது தீர்வு இருக்கா?

பேரரசு: இருக்கு சார்। மொதல்ல உங்க பேரெல்லாம் மாத்துங்க. என்ன பேர் இதெல்லாம்? ராகுல் டிராவிட், சச்சின் டெண்டுல்கர்னு? நல்லாவா இருக்கு?? நான் சொல்ற மாதிரி பேரை மாத்துங்க॥டிங்கர் டிராவிட், சலம்பல் சச்சின், கவுதாரி கங்குலி, யுனானி யுவராஜ், தோட்டா தோனின்னெல்லாம் பேரை மாத்துங்க

விவேக்: அப்படியே சனியன் சாப்பல்னு மாத்தி கெஜட்ல உட்டுடலாமா??

பேரரசு(தான் கவனிக்கப்படுவதைக் கண்டு சந்தோஷமாக): அப்படியே இனி விளையாடப்போனா கிரீமெல்லாம் தடவிட்டு போகாதீங்க। வடபழனி முருகன் கோயில் வாசல்ல சந்தனம் வாங்கிட்டு போய் மொகத்துல தடவிட்டு ஆடுங்க. இதனால அட்வாண்டேஜ் என்னன்னா மேட்ச் பார்க்கற ஜனங்களுக்கு யார் அவுட் ஆகறீங்கன்னே தெரியாது. எஸ்கேப் ஆகிடலாம்

விவேக்: அப்படியே ஒரு பஞ்சாமிர்த பாட்டில் வாங்கிக்கொடுத்துட்டா பெவிலியன்ல உட்கார்ந்து நக்கிட்டிருக்கலாமே

டி।ஆர்: தங்கச்சி உனக்கு கல்யாணம் பண்ணி நலங்கு வைக்க கரைச்சு வச்சேன் சந்தனம்.... இந்த பயலுக தோத்ததால நொந்துபோச்சே என் மனம்॥ என ராகம் கட்டி பாட ஆரம்பிக்கிறார்

இனி இந்த ஏரியாவில் இருந்தால் யாராவது கடித்துவிடுவார்களென அஜித்தை இழுத்துக்கொண்டு எஸ்ஸாகிறார் விவேக்।

அப்போது "என்ன சார் நடக்குது இங்க? ஒரு தமிழன் இருக்கற இந்திய அணி உலகக்கோப்பைல தோக்குது। இப்படியாப்பட்ட கிரிக்கெட் நமக்கு வேணுமா? தமிழனோட மானம் எங்க போச்சு? டிராவிட் உங்க பசங்கள கடலூர்க்கு லாரில கொண்டாந்துருங்க. 'பள்ளிக்கூடம்' படத்துல கிட்டிப்புல் விளையாடற டீம் நீங்க. இந்த படத்தை வச்சு உங்க இமேஜை நான் தூக்கி நிறுத்தறேன். என்ன சார் நடக்குது இங்க?" என பத்து இருபது பேருடன் தங்கர்பச்சான் அலட்டலாக உள்ளே நுழைகிறார்.

பேரரசுவும் டீ. ஆரும் என்ன டயலாக் பேசலாமென கொலைவெறியோடு யோசிக்க, "பெரிய கலவரமே நடக்கப்போகுது ஓடிடுங்கடா அப்ரண்டீஸ்களா" என தன் டீமை இழுத்துக்கொண்டு தப்பியோடுகிறார் டிராவிட்

Next plan for Indian players.

2007-03-28T01:48:00.001-07:00

After the shameful defeat of Team India, the team members were not able to
show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather
just pack up in hotel rooms.

Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not
be able to go out shopping. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes
out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as
amuslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him
"Hi Dravid!".

Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up
of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain, the same lady catches him
again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".

Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recognise me?"

The lady replied - "I am Sachin!"

Thanks & Regards,

Mohanakannan K

MindTree Consulting Ltd.| Bangalore

+91-9886885862 | 080-28605000-2378
 

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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Trivial Pursuit

2007-03-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem

"My life is awful," the man says। "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me".

"Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks

"I love the game," the man says। "I'm a genius. I never lose."

The bartender is confused। "I thought you just said your wife beats you."

"Well," the man says, "she's a sore loser."

Who Runs the Human Body?

2007-03-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

In the human body, which organ is in charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen।"

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away।"

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy।"

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal।"

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight। Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *sshole.

2007-03-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity। The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot। He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet। His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

2007-03-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years। One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit....

Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Oh thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

love letter

2007-03-19T22:16:00.001-07:00

New style of writing a love letter :

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much, I dare to say that you are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones).

If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye) . For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers)

Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye!

I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more).

LG (Digitally Yours)!!!!!
bye bye

Smiling is Contagious.
So keep SMILING

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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Sardar ji :: ||Legend of jokes||

2007-03-19T22:15:00.001-07:00

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 second a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What came first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs. 11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!

Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....

Sardar proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye no problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefulyin his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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Can u raed it?

2007-03-19T22:12:00.001-07:00

Olny srmat poelpe can.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

We won't tell. Get more on

Think!!!!

2007-03-19T22:03:00.001-07:00

A nice, little ,funny ,funniest……………

Once 3 Turtles decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda .

The youngest turtle said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back.

A week went by,

then a month ,

finally an year ,

the 2 turtles said 'oh, come on, lets eat the snacks'

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suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said 'if you do like this, I won't go !'

Samiyappan Prabakar ,Mobile : +971 50 9042741

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Inviting my friends & family...

2007-03-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

I'm extending a personal invitation to my friends and family to make a difference without spending a penny. To see your invitation, click the link below, or copy and paste it into your browser's address field:

http://friends.unicefusa.org/r/5b7854ba2591102aa29c

If you would prefer not to receive invitations from Friends.UNICEFUSA.org please click here

http://friends.unicefusa.org/?PC=UNSUB&rh=637053ef7662435d94ba9403bba982ed&sender=as_prabahar@yahoo.com&tc=11

----------------------------------------------------------
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PMB# 210
2440 16th Street
San Francisco, CA 94103-4211

Sardarji Jokes The Complete Reference

2007-03-14T01:23:00.001-07:00

SARDARJI JOKES

edited by Anil , the Great

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.

gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.

tries to drown a fish in water.

thinks socialism means partying.

trips over a cordless phone.

takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts

"Sagittarius.".

studies for a blood test and fails.

sells the car for gas money.

misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.

drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and

goes home.

gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

* * * *

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"

Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"

* * * * *

Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

* * * * *

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

* * * * * *

How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

* * * * * *

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

* * * * * *

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

* * * * * *

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?

Trying to hold on to a thought.

* * * * * *

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?

So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?

They always forget the recipe.

* * * * * *

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?

He threw it off a cliff.

* * * * * *

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

* * * * * *

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?

The back of his head.

* * * * * *

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

* * * * * *

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?

Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

* * * * * *

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?

Just-one Singh.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

* * * * * *

Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?

Toes Go In First.

* * * * * *

How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?

It has a stamp on it.

* * * * * *

Why can't Sardar dial 911?

They can not find the eleven on the phone

* * * * * *

How do you get Sardar on the roof?

Tell him the drinks are on the house.

* * * * * *

"Oh, look at the dead bird."

Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

* * * * * *

What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

* * * * * *

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

TO LOOSE WEIGHT...

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would

loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had

lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm

2400 kms from home."

HEAVEN

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told

him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order

to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the

answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in

a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."

Saint Peter lets him in without another word

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a

manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you

jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,

"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under

there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of

him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole,

and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling

"87, 87, 87"...

EMPLOYMENT?

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the

columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary

Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he

wrote : Yes

AT INDO-PAK WAR

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing

everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from

the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces

surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but,

suddenly out of the bushes jumps Captain. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar

dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run

off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His friends ask him "Yaar thu

maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli

hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?

In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh No Assumptions

Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the

sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh

wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead

gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal

thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya". Gani Singh replies

"aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to

spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries

to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn.".

He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.

Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not

for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing

a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the

mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says

"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a

double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But

unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa

went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching

the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What

the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?"

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the

middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the

plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some

time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the

sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old

lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the

sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air

hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally

the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the

sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,

the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt.

replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All

others will go to Jalandhar."

KHALISTAN JOKES

Khalistan National Drink : Sarbat Khalsa.

Khalistan National Bird : Tandoori Chicken.

International Airline : Kitthe Pacific.

National Airline : Itthe Pacific.

National Anthem : Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........

National Taxi Service : Kar Seva.

National song : Bande marte hum.

Female terrorist : Hard Kaur.

National dish : AKALI-DAAL.

Sikh scuba diver : JULL-UNDER SINGH.

Better adapted sikh diver : JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.

COLOR TV

Sardarji is buying a TV.

"Do you have color TVs?"

"Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

CROCODILE BOOTS

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.

He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him

hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks

its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

LONG FLIGHT

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

"Just a sec," comes an answer.

"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk:

"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?". "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks

Gani Singh.

THE 4 SARDARJIS

There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of

discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They

selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.

The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and

waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed

but noboby turned up.

WHY ? -

Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought

the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage.

The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their

garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

WHY ?

B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought

a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew

past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet

nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there

nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but

alas no one hailed their taxi.

WHY ?

B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their

taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi.

They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even

an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the

story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but

the taxi wouldnt budge.

WHY ?

B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

SANTA SING AND STUDENTS

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned

for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the

inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires :

Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "

Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "

Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "

Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "

Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE

MAI"

Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE

MAI"

Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE

MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "

Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE

MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"

By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him

"What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an

english class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE

PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked , Santa

Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.

Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,

GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA

DESH".

Santa Singh : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students

the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation

SOME SECRETS OF PAKISTAN ARMY

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?

Shoot the men who are pushing it.

How do you disable a Pakistani tank?

Hide the wind-up key.

How do you disable Pakistani missiles?

Cut the rubber band.

Pakistani Air Force officials have recently motioned for a name change for the PAF.

They want to call it the PMC, the Pakistani Mining Corps. This is because their planes

end up in the ground anyway.

Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the

hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily

abandoned in enemy territory.

Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes?

Neither has Pakistan.

Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?

It's a solar powered flashlight.

Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?

The new automatic parachutes. They open on impact.

How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?

Put it in water.

Did you hear about the 747 jet which crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?

The Pakistani officials have so far recovered 3000 bodies.

Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who had asked to be buried at sea?

Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.

Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi ?

There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square Shopping Mall. People were

stuck on the escalator for four hours.

Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death outside a theatre ? They

were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".

Did you hear about the Pakistani helicopter crash ?

The pilot felt cold, so he turned off the fan.

Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses ?

They get it from chasing parked cars.

Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for five days ?

He was scheduled to take a medical test.

Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National Library ?

Somebody stole the book.

SOME ROMANTIC COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD

These are some of the romantic countries in the world.

H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.

L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.

B.U.R.M.A. - Between Us, Remember Me Always.

N.E.P.A.L. - Never Ever Part As Lovers.

I.N.D.I.A. - I Nearly Died In Adoration.

K.E.N.Y.A. - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

C.A.N.A.D.A. - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction.

K.O.R.E.A. - Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.

E.G.Y.P.T. - Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!

M.A.N.I.L.A. - May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D - Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

GREAT TO BE AN INDIAN

You may be aware of that after IT now India moving towards Biotechnology.

According to one research India will emerge as a super power in IT & Medical

research by 2025.

Q. Who is the Co-founder of Sun Microsystems? (The company which is sweeping the

Internet with its brainchild Java)

A. Vinod Khosla

Q. Who is the Creator of Pentium Chip? (Needs no introduction, 90% of the today's

computers run on it)

A. Vinod Dahm

Q. Who is the third richest person on the world?

A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji,

CEO, Wipro. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.

Q. Who is the current president of AT&T Bell Labs? (AT & T Bell Labs is the creator

of C, C++, Unix to name a few)

A. Arun Netravalli

Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail? (Hotmail is world's No. 1 web based

email program)

A. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?

A. Rajiv Gupta

Q. Who is the Testing Director of Windows 2000?

A. Sanjay Tejwrika

We are known as the Indian Mafia (or Internet Mafia?).

We are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than

the whites and the natives. We are the success story in America.

Let the world know what we stand for.

!"There are 3.22 Million Indians in America.

!"38% of Doctors in America are Indians.

!"12% of Scientists in America are Indians.

!"36% of NASA employees are Indians.

!" 34% of MICROSOFT employees are Indians

!"28% of IBM employees are Indians

!"17% of INTEL employees are Indians

!"13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

Some of these facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a

German Magazine which deals with WORLD

HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA.

A. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

B. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

C. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than

10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The

University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest

achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

D. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most

suitable language for computer software reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

E. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father

of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast

regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

F. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development,

India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the

early 17th Century.

G. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The Very word

Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also

derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.

H. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds

of years before the astronomer Smart.; Time taken by earth to orbit the sun:

(5th century) 365.258756484 days.

I. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of

what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century

long before the European mathematicians.

J. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by

Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the

Romans used were 106 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big

as 1053(10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during

the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number isTera 1012(10 to the

power of 12).

K. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the

only source for diamonds to the world.

L. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world

scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof.

Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

M. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

N. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called

'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta

Maurya's time.

O. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

P. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his

time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs,

fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of

anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipment were

used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion,

metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

Q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago,

Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley(Indus Valley Civilization)

R. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

QUOTES ABOUT INDIA

A. Albert Einstein said: We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count,

without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.

B. Mark Twain said: India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human

speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand

mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most constructive materials in the

history of man are treasured up in India only.

C. French scholar Romain Rolland said: If there is one place on the face of earth

where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days

when man began the dream of existence, it is India.

D. Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said: India conquered and

dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single

soldier across her border. All the above is just the TIP of the iceberg, the list

could be endless.

SOME BLADE JOKES

Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.

Somu : public member or private?

Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! what could be

wrong?

Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.

PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500

rupees to Suthi..?

Bull : Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by

value or pass by

reference.

PS : ???!!!

Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a

software engineer...

Somu : how do u say that?

Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!

Ramu : shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabin must

be a farmer before ...

Somu : How do u know...?

Ramu : he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bit fields..!!

Computer : Please sit over the hard disk to compress the files!

Computer : please pour Engine oil in the floppy drive to enhance the

performance of Search Engine.

Ramu : why people are beating that SW engg black and blue?

Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is

new kind of RAM in the

market!

Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..

Somu : How do u say that?

Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.

Ramu : Hey.... whats time now?

Somu : System time or local time...??

Ramu : Hey.. I have a problem. My system is not booting up!

Somu : may be, its internal buses are on strike.. check out!

Ramu : (while browsing the TV) what is this? I have heard of Star

Sports, Star Movies and Star P

Plus. Whats this Star Equals??? Is it a new Star Channel?

Somu : No. = operator has been overloaded in Star Channel.

Geetha : I think that SW Engg is very naive..

Seetha : how do u say that?

Geetha : He believes "Rascal" is a new version of Pascal!

Ramesh : Hey.. u know.. Micorsoft Visual C++ 5.0 has got everything...

The Developer Studio can

really do magic...

Umesh : Can we use that to develop the photo-negatives?

Ramu : why are u wiping ur terminal very often with a cloth?

Somu : clear command is not working properly for my terminal. that's

why?

Babu : yesterday I bought a new TV whose terminal is compatible with

computer... but its audio

portion is not at all working :-

Gopu : may be its compatible only with dumb terminals???

Vani : We have shifted our home to Malleswaram now..

Soni : right shift or left shift??

Kannamma : do u have Design Specs for brinjal sambar?

Ponnamma : u mean recipe..?

Ramu : Somu, I am going to file a case against my landlord yaar. He's

harassing me too much.

Somu : What case? Upper Case or Lower Case or.......

Vanish : Hey.. why is that sardaarji inserting a cover into the floppy

drive?

Bull : He wants to send an e-mail it seems!

Software DT in Heaven

Ramu : hey.. I couldn't send a mail to Hell today... it says mail "demon" not

running...

Somu : ur case is better.. for me, it says "ghost not reachable" and

bounces back!

SOFTWARE HUSBAND

Husband : ( Returning late form work ) "Good evening Dear, I'm now

logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the ring ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morn...

Husband : Erroneous syntax.

Wife : What about my new blouse ?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being

funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!...

Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : Default Parameter.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : Access denied. File in use...

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot

KANNADA MOVIES

A sample of Kannada movies produced by Kannada Software Engineers:

CHATsod tappa..?

Ondu E-MAILina kathe

A.S.P Sangilyana

REDO raja

UNDOnu maadida DELEToo maadida

Muttinantha OFFER

Naanu nanna PC

DOLLLAR alegalu

JAVAda Jodi

CORBAna rani

IT Hudugara kannu US myaage

CHAT maadu Tamaashe Nodu

Chalisuva BRAINugalu

MAINFRAME Dhruvadim JAVA Dhruvaku

Gadibidi ENGINEER

Onde SYSTEMna MODULEgalu

Baa Nalle Usge

PROGRAMMERara Sawaal

COMPANY COMPANY kathe

Shri BILL GATES Mahime

Bhakta SABIR Das

INSPECTOR Narayana Murty

Koodi CODING maadidare swarga sukha

PMna avaantara

Veera SYBASE Lakshman

PMge takka PROGRAMMER

MODEM Bazaar

JDBC bale ( A 007 movie)

Operation E-MAIL HACKER

NIAGARA teeradalli

HASIRU PATRA

NEWJERSEY

MICROSOFTna musuku

JAVA nanna JAVA

PREMJI kaanike

LOGON Death

Lady PROGRAMMER

E-Preethse

Ondanondu COLLUMNnalli

Eradu NETWORKgalu

PB Ganda VB Hendthi

BUGDevathe

MS Mallige

Messanger Muttanna

Abachoorina INBOX

CHATsu Tappenilla..!

SYSTEMge Sawaal

HACKERana Sanchu

SILICON swapnagalu

Nammur IT Parke

A FRIEND

A Friend....

(A)ccepts you as you are

(B)elieves in "you"

(C)alls you just to say "HI"

(D)oesn't give up on you

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

(F)orgives your mistakes

(G)ives unconditionally

(H)elps you

(I)nvites you over

(J)ust "be" with you

(K)eeps you close at heart

(L)oves you for who you are

(M)akes a difference in your life

(N)ever Judges

(O)ffers support

(P)icks you up

(Q)uiets your fears

(R)aises your spirits

(S)ays nice things about you

(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

(U)nderstands you

(V)alues you

(W)alks beside you

(X)-plains things you don't understand

(Y)ells when you won't listen and

(Z)aps you back to reality

ROBERT JOKES

Raabert : Baas, iss aadmi ne hamaare saath gaddaree kee hai..

Ajeet : Iss kuththe ki ek haath mein titan ki ghadi aur doosre haath mein

hmt ki ghadi

pehnaado.

Raabert : Lekin baas, yeh to gaddaar hai.

Ajeet : Hum jaante hain, raabert. Isko bathaana hai ki ab yeh do ghadi ka

mehmaan hai.

Raabert : Baas, Sona kahan hai? (Where is the gold?)

Ajeet : Saara beach hamaara hai. Kahi bhee so jao raabert.

Raabert and Ajeet are escaping in a boat and suddenly there's a hole in the boat and

water starts coming in. Raabert is anxious.

Raabert : Ab kya hoga baas...?

Ajeet : Ek aur hole kardo, Raabert...

Raabert : Ek aur hole..?!!

Ajeet : Ek hole pe 'IN' likh do aur doosre hole par 'OUT' likh do. Paani

IN mein aayega aur

OUT se baahar jaayega...

Ajeet : Is gaddaar ko shaampein mein dubaa do.

Raabert : Lekin kyon, baas?

Ajeet : 'Shame se' nahin to 'Pain' se mar jaayega...

Mona comes in with a proposal to get married

Mona : Baas, Humne Toni se shaadi karni hai

Ajeet : Mona yeh bilkul nahi ho sakta

Mona : Lekin baas, yeh kyon?

Ajeet : Mona, tumne agar Toni se shaadi ke to yahan bahut monatony ho

jaigi.

Mona goes ahead, gets married and has twin boys

Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkae hua hai.

Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye pehle ka Peter aur

doosra Repeater

Later, Mona has twin girls

Raabert : Baas, Mona ke judwa ladkiya hua hai.

Ajeet : Theek hai humne inke naam bhi soch liye - pehli ka Kate aur doosri

DupliKate

Raabert : Baas, mein aaj kaam pe nahin aaoonga. Mujhe stomach ache

hai.

Ajeeth : Abay bavakoof ! Har kisi ko stomach ek hi hotha hai.

Ajeeth : Raabert, is gaddhar ko is duniya se aazad kar dho. Iski

laash ko Police Estation

ke saamne phenk dho. Aur is ke side mein ek suyi bhonk dho.

Raabert : Lekin baas side mein suyi kyon ?

Ajeeth : Thake Police samjhe ki ye suyiside hai.

Raabert : Baas meri beevi ko theen ladke payida ho gaye hai. Mein

inka naam kya rakhoon

Ajeeth : Phele ka naam Peter rakho, dusre ka naam Repeater rakho

aur theesre ka naam

Chin Chin Choo rakhko.

Raabert : Lekin baas thesre ka naam Chin Chin Choo kyon ?

Ajeeth : Are bevakoof, woh isliye ke duniya mein har theesra

bachha Chinese hotha hai.

Mickey Mouse : Ajit, Muzhe Ramayan padhnee hai.

Ajeet : Raabert, isse wall peh chipka do

Raabert : yeh kyon baas?

Ajeet : Taaki yeh waal-mickey kehlaygaa aur usse Ramayan apne aap

samazh me

ayegee!

Scene: Ajit murders a man.

Ajeet : Raabert, Is aadmi ko Hero Honda ki tank mein dal do.

Raabert : kyon baas?

Ajeet : Fill it,shut it,forget it!

Boss : Raabert!

Rab : Yes, bass?

Boss : Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.

Rab : Lekin, kyon bass?

Boss : Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.

Robert : boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.

Ajit : Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.

Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona da..arrling's typing.

Ajeet : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.

Raabert : Magar kyoon baas?

Ajeet : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Ajeet : Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger

starrt kar do.

Raabert : Lekin kyoon, baas?

Ajeet : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

Ajeet : Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?

Raabert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.

Ajeet : Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone

milana.

Raabert : Yes Boss.

Ajeet: : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa

hamare kabze mein

hai .......

Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.

Ajeet :Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do.Timer ko teek das bajhe

set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth

bhi late hona chahiye.

Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow,

time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time

bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum

agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"

Ajeet : Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi

jayega

Raabert : Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein

boss?

Ajeet : Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona

Peter : Boss? Sona kahan hei?

Ajeet : Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath

sona!

Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies...

Ajeet : Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, who

hamara mehman

hai. Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir

woh do ghadi ka

mehman ho jayega !

Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...

Ajeet : Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke

pare door

birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett

(cheverlett) nazar

aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off

Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?

Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...

Raabert : Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?

Ajeet : Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi

dega, aur

oxygen ise marne nahi dega.

Peter : Boss is saale ka kya karen ?

Ajeet : Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !

Robert : aur boss..iska kya karen ?

Ajeet : Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be

Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy

Ajeet : "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur

finish bhi aa jaayegi.

Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.

Ajeet : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!

Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy

Ajeet : "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo Saale ko

Society jeene

nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.

Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.

Ajeet : Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala

hain.....

A pause..... Tum chootti le lo.

Ajeet : Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.

Raabert : Stool, boss ?

Ajeet : Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.

AMERICANIZATION

u don't open a telephone conversation with a HELLO but with a "Hi"

The telephone is never "engaged", it's always "busy".

U don't "disconnect" a phone, U simply "hang-up".

U never "mess-up" things, U only "screw them up".

U never have a "residence" tel. no., U have a "home" no.

U don't stop at the "signals", but halt at the "lights".

U don't "accelerate", U "step on the gas".

Your tire never "punctures", U may have a "flat".

The trains have "coaches" or "boggies' no more but "carriages" or "boxes".

There R no "petrol pumps", but "gas stations".

"I don't know nothing", 2 negatives don't make a positive here.

U no longer meet a "wonderful" person, U meet a "cool" guy

U don't pull the switch down to light a bulb,rather flick it up.

There's no "Business Area" only "business districts", and no "districts" but

"counties".

No one stays "a stone's throw away", might"a few blocks away".

There's no "Town Side", it's "Down Town".

In hotel U no longer ask for "bill" and pay by "cheque", rather ask for "check" and

pay with (Dollar) "bill"s.

There R no "soft drinks", only "sodas".

Life's no longer "miserable" it "stinks".

U don't have a "great" time, U have a "ball".

U don't "sweat it out", U "work U'r butt off".

Never "post" a letter, always "mail" it and "glue" the stamps, don't "stick" them.

U no longer live in "flats" or "blocks", find an "apartment".

U don't stand in a "queue", you are in a "line".

U no longer "like" something, U "appreciate" it.

"#" is not "hash", it's "pound".

U R not "deaf", U have "impaired hearing".

U R not "lunatic", U are just "mentally challenged".

U R not "disgusting" U R "sick".

U can't get "surprised" U get "zapped".

U don't "schedule" a meeting, U "skejule" it.

U never "joke", U just "kid".

U never "increase" the pressure, U always "crank" it up.

U never ask for a pencil "rubber" U ask for an eraser. a rubber is a condom

U don't try to find a lift U find an elevator.

U no more ask for a route but for a "RAUT"

U don't ask somebody "How r u ?", U say "What's up dude?"

U never go to see a game U go to watch a game.

If U see "World" champions(or Series),read "USA"champions(or Series).

There's no "zero" but "o", no "Z" but "zee".

There's no FULL STOP after a statement, there's a PERIOD.

If someone gets angry at U, U get "flamed".

You don't say "How do you do", you say "How you doin"

In short U don't speak English, U speak American.

Well u dont' say life is boring u say LIFE SUCKS !!!!!

ARCHER

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across

a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an

arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"

After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy

carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the

arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did

you?" asked the duke worriedly.

"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."

"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The

boy thanked him profusely.

"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you

came to be such an outstanding shot."

"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target

around it."

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA

to NY. The lawyer leans over to

her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants

to take a nap, so she

politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer

persists, saying that the game is

really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question,

and if you don't

know the answer, you pay me, and visa versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to

get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he

will easily win the match, so he makes another

offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but

if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this

torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first

question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and

hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three

legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and

searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches

the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers

and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the

blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get

back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so

what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and

goes back to sleep.

REST IN PEACE

A new business was opening, and a long-time friend of the owner decided to send

flowers for the occasion. He arrived

at the "grand opening", accepted a glass of champagne and a warm handshake from

his host, then browsed about the room examining the many floral arrangements and

potted plants. Finally, he happened upon his own offering, only to find an attached

card bearing this sentiment: "Rest in Peace"

Embarrassed and irate at the florist's error, he phoned to lodge a complaint. After

venting his anger in a lengthy tirade, he waited impatiently for the florist's

explanation. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting

angry....imagine this: Somewhere a funeral is taking place today, and they have a

lovely floral spray with an attached note saying: Congratulations on your new

location!"

Perplexing Paradox No. 1

A crocodile caught a kid and when kid's mother came for rescue, crocodile posed her

a question - 'U can make a statement. If you speak the truth in it, i will return your

kid . Otherwise i will eat him.' And the mother agreed.

The clever mother made the statement - "You will eat my kid'. Now, the crocodile is

in a dilemma of what to do.

Perplexing paradox No. 2

A king caught the bandit chief and before punishing , offered him a statement. The

king said ' You can make a statement. If you say the truth in it, you will be shot and

if not you will be hanged ' . The clever bandit chief replied ' I will be hanged'. The

king got into a dilemma of what to do.

Perplexing Paradox No. 3

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but

was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying ' I would pay your fee

the day i win my first case in the court'.

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course.

When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up

the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days. Fed up with this, the teacher

decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for

themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying : " If i win this case, as per the court

of law, student has to pay me.

And if i lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first

case. So either way i will have to get the money ".

Equally brilliant student argued back saying : "If i win the case, as per the court of

law, i don't have to pay

anything to the teacher. And if i lose the case, i don't have to pay him because i

haven't won my first case yet. So either way, i am not going to pay the teacher

anything ".

Blonde Joke

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of

Bakersfield, a woman, who happened to be blonde, and new to boating was having a

problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft

Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in

almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina.

Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed

everything was in perfect working order. The engine was fine, the outdrive went up

and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up

choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in

place, was the trailer.

TRAVELLERS SUBJECT

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout

the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort.

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person

to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time

we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the

hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the

chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are

welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,

and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest

camping site that people

of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they

are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite

sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest

Methodists.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a

good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we

guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as

a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give

it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control

yourself..

CAR RIDE

A guy is standing at a bus stop in the pouring rain with no coat or umbrella, when a

car slides up to the kerb and stops beside him. Thinking he has just been offered a

lift he opens the door and gets in relieved to be out of the wet. "Thanks pal I

thought I would never......" he looks across at the driver and there is no one in the

seat. Next thing the car moves off silently and for the next four miles it stops at

every red light, obeys every traffic law and finally comes to a stop at the top of the

road where the guy lives - he is by now is in a severe state of shock and anxiety and

the only reason he has not jumped from the car en-route is because it was travelling

so slowly that he knew he could get out at any time if something unearthly happened.

Anyway it was going his way and keeping him dry! Now it is stopped at the kerb again

just up the street from where he lives and the guy gets out, closes the door and as

he turns to head off home he bumps into another guy who is going to get into the car.

"Hey buddy I would not get in that car if I were you there's something weird about

it" "Yeah, I know" says the second guy " But I've just pushed it four miles and I

really need the rest".

TALK BETWEEN IT GUY AND A LABOURER

IT guy - (Asks worker) What do you have?

Daily Wage Construction Worker - .......stays * quite*

IT guy - I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do

you have?

Daily Wage Construction Worker - (Softly) I have work.

DIARY

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for

Bob. Today I made an

angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have

enough bowls to do that,

so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without

dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper

that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly

before steaming the rice."So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming

the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the

rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare

ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over

the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over

there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all

right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a

bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been

something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the

same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to

dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never

noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought

the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in

the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast.

Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to

come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

Discrimination

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg a middle-aged, white South African

Lady found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant

over to complain about her seating. "What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked

the attendant. "Can't you see?" she said " You've sat me next to a kaffir. "I can't

possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!" "Please calm down

Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what

I'll do-I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention

many of the surrounding passengers).

A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers

to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self

satisfied grin: "Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to

the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in

first class." Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues ... "It

is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get

special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt

that it was outrageous that someone be forced to sit next to such an obnoxious

person." With that, she turned to the black man sitting next to the woman, and said:

"So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have 1st class seat ready for you..." At

which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation

while the black guy walked up to the front of the plane.

DIVER

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a

guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver

went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went

below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so

he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able

to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk,

erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

INTERVIEW

Subj: electrical engg

People come up with peculiar or funny answers in interviews or exams:

Interviewer: Why is a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C. as

compared to D.C. ?

Candidate: An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and requires more

space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker.

Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC ?

Candidate: I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is DC. If it gets stuck, it

was AC.

Interviewer: How will you reverse direction of an induction motor?

Candidate: I will remove the four bolts at the base, turn the motor around, and put

back the bolts.

Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?

Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)

Interviewer: Stop! Stop!

Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)

Interviewer: How do you limit surge current within an integrated circuit?

Candidate: By using a miniature circuit breaker.

External (to student) : " Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC to pass through

Student: See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK. DC Comes straight, like this -----

-----, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, Up DOWN and jumps right

over the capacitor!"

Examiner : "What is a step-up transformer?"

Student : "A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."

Examiner (smiling): "And then what is a step-down transformer?"

Student (hesitantly):"Uh - A transfomer that is put in the basement or in a pit?"

Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the

ground?"

(student knows he is caught -- can't answer)

Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"

Student (triumphantly): "A stepless transformer, sir!"

Elephant in a Bar

A man walks into a tavern and sees an elephant sitting at the bar with a large bowl of

cash placed in front of him. He walks up to the bar and the bartender explains " The

first person who can make the elephant laugh will win the $10,000 in the jar. " The

man casually walks up to the elephant and whispers something into his ear. All of the

sudden, the elephant starts laughing hysterically with his ears flapping and his trunk

bouncing up and down on the bar knocking over drink glasses. "I don't know what you

whispered, " said the bartender, :but here is your $10,000."

A few weeks later, the same man entered the tavern and again saw the elephant at

the bar, only this time with a bowl of $20,000 in front of him. The bartender came

up to him and said, "Last time you were able to make him laugh, but I doubt you can

win this prize by making him cry." The man then walked over to the elephant and

stood directly in front of him so they were barely a few inches apart. The elephant

immediately started bawling, crying uncontrollably with his giant tears filling

nearby beer mugs.

The bartender gave the man his $20,000 prize but asked him. "What on earth did

you say to make the elephant first laugh and then cry?" "The first time", said the

man, " I told him that mine was bigger

than his" "The second time, " he continued, "I showed him"

Blonde Blitz....

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally

broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling

me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who

appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple

question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you

on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook

made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The

blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to

have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

DHABA

Kakey da dhaaba (in London) has evoked another anecdote on cheap eating places. An

Indian abroad ran out of foreign exchange and went looking for the cheapest eating

place in town. He located an Indian restaurant and went in. He found three sections:

'European, Chinese, and Indian' He went into the Indian. It was divided into two:

Vegeterian and non-vegetarian. He went into the vegetarian which was further

divided into pure ghee and vanaspati. He went to the vanaspati section and found yet

another division: Cash or credit. Cheered at the prospect of not having to pay in

foreign exchange he opted for the

Credit section. When he got to it he found the sign: "Exit: get out."

BEER TEST

Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at

their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed

the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes

men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It

was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without

making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally,

argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is

planned.

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2007-03-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

1 Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c implies a=c। Tell me an example. Student : I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.

2 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" o"shoot himself"।

3 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends।

4 A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity , Threat) Analysis। He said, my strength is my wife। My weakness is my neighbours wife। Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out।Threat comes when I myself go out

5 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

2007-03-10T07:52:00.000-08:00

PRE-SCHOOL TEST

Pre-school children were asked the following question: "In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"

Look carefully at the picture.

Do you know the answer?

The only possible answers are "left" or "right."

Think about it

Still don't know?

Okay, I'll tell you.

The pre-schoolers all answered "right"

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the right direction?"

they answered: "Because you can't see the door."

Feel pretty stupid now, don't you? Me too.