A Indian Negotiating with God

God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD "Let all my friends are healthy and happy forever!"

God said: But for 4 days only!

I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.

GOD said: 3 days...

I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

GOD said: No, 2 days!

I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Nighttime).

GOD said: No, just 1 day!

I said: Yes!

GOD asked: Which day?

I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!

GOD laughed, and said: You INDIANS know how to negotiate, but since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I cannot refuse.

I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.

An Indian in a U.S. school...

It was the first day of a school in US and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.


The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:

"Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

"Very good!"

Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.

The te acher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

"General Custer, 1862."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007."

English language

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.


Just Read It.

The Leave Applications; )

Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
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Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
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Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
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A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
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Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
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Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."
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Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
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Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
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Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
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A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Salary Increase

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS

FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?

    One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

 
Dear Bo$$


In thi$ life, we all need  $omething  mo$t  de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat a nd  $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$pond  $oon.



Your$ $incerely,

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have  NOticed that our company is NOt doing  NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have  NOthing more to add  NOw. You kNOw what I mean .


---- Your Boss

Pre- KG Last Bench Guys--

Pre - KG Last Bench  Guys - Younger generation ippidi  thaan  irukkum................   Guy 1: Machan Naan romba upset ah irukan da   Guy 2: Yaen da veetla edhuna problema???   Guy 1: Illa da nethu slate vaanga spencer poirundhan, anga oru sema figure, sumar ondra vayasu irkum avanga amma madila paduthu vaila virala vachutu enna paathu oru look vituche paaru...     iyyoooooooo........   Guy 2: appram enna aachu???     Guy 1: Appram enna.... enga appan adha paathutu poramaila en thalaila narukunu oru kottu vachan, kovathula rendu naala na cerelac' kuda sapduradhu illa.....       Guy 2: Indha appangalae ippadithanda poramaila alaivanga... nee dont worry machan nalaiku andha ponna thottil' oda thukrom!!! .

 

After Semester Exams..!! - Remember the golden days

1st Bench:
Hey the paper was tough... But I will get 95 da.. :)
2nd Bench:
Machi... 10 Marks out da.. :(
3rd Bench:
Mama.. Clear aayrum... :)
4th Bench:
Clear aanalum aagum :(
5th Bench:
Sure shot.. Sathyama out.. :)
Last Bench Rockers:
!
!

!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
Machaan.. Invigilator sema figure daa... :) :) :)

Job Market in 2009

Arranged or Love marriage...??????????????????????????????????

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,¡± You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love Marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems... Gimme a break!!¡±

Lucky Arab

When fuel prices go High

Osama is still alive

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice . Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked Indian Intelligence (CBI) for help. Within a minute, CBI emailed the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

Good Sleep

As usual brilliant sardar

1 . Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

2 . How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so ?
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot

4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend . He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!

6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour dikhao.

7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion?
Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying....
When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse .
He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."

12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

13. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab . Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

Management Thinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Manufacturer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Field service is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Material Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, or not there work is over.
Q A is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby

Women are dangerous intelligent

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl !!!"

Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent !

என்ன கொடுமை சரவணன் இது

Vadivelu Comedy

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Vivekananda Street,
No 6

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